Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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