don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
