3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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