you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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