She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
