I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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