How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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