He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
