ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
