laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
why is half of my head shaved?
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