Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
