I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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