Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
