Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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