And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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