Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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