Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
