I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
