I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
