She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
