i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
