I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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