tell your sister to shave her snatch
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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