He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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