i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
