It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
