alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
