I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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