I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
