White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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