Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
