with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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