I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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