ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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