In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
