if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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