you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
