why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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