bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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