A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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