Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
