it's like iHOP with fire
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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