btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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