You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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