At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
