well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
