Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
