it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
