it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
