At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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