Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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