I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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