I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
