me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
