i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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