the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
